Feelings Unknown
by LiveForTheShip
Summary: A day of rest is uncalled for and uncommon. Rivaille has an idea of how he feels towards Eren but can he get it across Eren that these feelings are real. Eren is suffering from a deluded mind and does not take his feelings seriously.
1. Mistake?

**Feelings Unknown**

_Chapter 1 - Mistake_

Rivaille was going out for his usual jog in the morning; it had been some time since he had had a chance jog. All this while he either had to go and fight in case there was a breach in the wall or train Eren's titan form. On this peaceful morning he could feel all the strain and pain released of his back.

He jogged five laps around the hideout until he got tired. He then started a casual walk. Maybe he was just imagining it or it was real but he felt someone looking at him. He immediately turned around to look at the open window of the hideout, and there (without even trying to hide) was Eren, staring at him. Rivaille rendered speechless at first and just vapidly stared back.

"What are you staring at brat?"

Eren slumped down and put his head on his folded hands that were on the windowsill. He pouted at the question, looked up then looked back at Rivaille and smiled his goofy smile.

"Tch" was all Eren received as Rivaille walked away. Rivaille went back to the hideout and had a bath. It would be time for training now if they weren't on a break.  
'Why is Eren still here?' thought Rivaille, 'shouldn't he be with his annoying friends doing shit like they always do?'.  
He went out for a little fresh air, on seeing Eren lie under the tree he approached him. It wasn't the idea he had in mind but he was already standing in front of him. He looked down at Eren's resting body which made it more awkward for Rivaille rather than Eren.

"What are you doing Jaeger?" Rivaille finally broke the awkward silence that only he was feeling.

"Sleeping sir." Eren replied in a nonchalant way. He didn't even attempt to open his eyes.

"I meant what are you doing _here_?" Rivaille wasn't pleased with Eren's answer but how can you tell anyway. Annoyance is one thing Rivaille easily gave way to.

Eren opened one eye then the other to look at Rivaille. His eyes turning a lighter shade of green in the sunlight. Rivaille was unmoved.

"What do you mean sir?" Eren furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why aren't you with your friends enjoying yourself?"

Eren then shut his eyes again and smiled. "I wanted peace."

Rivaille sat down next to Eren to lean against the tree. There was truth in what Eren had said. Everyone has been praying for peace since the titans had ever been existed, not all could sleep peacefully especially those who have seen them. Rivaille, humanity's strongest, the great fighter, all this reputations had to be kept up. For so long he had not got a good shuteye. It wasn't anyone's fault after all; it's the path he chose. At least that's what he thought. Rivaille could understand how it is for Eren, everyone blaming the wrong things that happen on Eren, every time those that are killed have died in vain unless Eren makes up for it. Rivaille truly could not understand this logic.

Rivaille woke up with a startle and realized he must have dozed off. He looked down to see Eren lying on his lap. Eren was still sleeping and hopefully with peace.  
"Now that I think of it, you haven't slept well in a while now have you?" Rivaille mumbled.  
Rivaille slowly brushed the brunette's hair of his face and stroked his cheeks. He touched it gently so as to not wake Eren up from his sleep. It was probably afternoon now and he was starting to get hungry.

Eren slowly opened his eyes and realized he was directly facing Rivaille. An awkward realization and he quickly jerks off Rivaille's lap.

"Ano…hungry?"

"Yes." Rivaille got up and headed for the entrance while Eren followed.  
Everyone had gone out. They had planned a trip to wall Sina and Eren and Rivaille were welcomed but they had declined the offer. Rivaille had declined though thinking he would be alone but Eren had unknowingly refused as well.

They ate their food in silence. The silence wasn't awkward though, it was actually pleasing. After they had finished Eren was made to wash his plate. On a day like this they had nothing to do. Rivaille took this opportunity to clean the place up. Eren had just dully stared as Rivaille cleared the shelf. Rivaille turned around and returned the stare.

"If you're so jobless, why not help out." Rivaille handed him the books and a cloth gesturing him to wipe them. Eren obliged happily and Rivaille was proud of that fact. Rivaille calmed as he cleaned the shelf and Eren heard him hum to himself making him smile.

"What the fuck you smiling at?" Eren looked up from the books as the question was directed to him. Rivaille was holding a bucket now.

"Huh? I was smiling?" Eren hadn't realized the fact that he _was _smiling. Why would he anyway, he hardly realizes anything these days, including his feelings.

"Never mind, I want this shelf sparkling by the time I finish cleaning the top rooms, got it?"

"Yes, sir!"

By the time Rivaille had finished re-cleaning the shelf it was dark. They ate their supper and went out to feed their horses. It was later that they felt like going out on the roof. The sky was filled with stars all around, not a cloud in sight and the moon was missing from its position. It was a beautiful view. The view of course wasn't that uncommon, it's just that they had no time to gaze at it which made it look more beautiful than before.

"Hey sir? Do you want to play a game?" Eren asked.

"Yeah sure, why not." Rivaille was still uninterested.

"The game is played like this; both of us has to compliment each other until one of us runs out of compliments. The one who runs out loses."

"What type of shitty game is this? Isn't it obvious you'll have more compliments than me." Rivaille replied amused along with a smirk.

"Are you chickening out?"

"Oh alright. But I'm not starting this fucking retarded game."

"Okay then I'll go first. You're….. uh… you're strong." Eren smiled satisfied with his answer.

"Why thank you, I'm very flattered. You're not bad yourself."

"Do we count that as a compliment?"

"Shouldn't I be asking that question?"

"Well you're right, but I don't think that's counted fair right? So then it's your turn."

"You're smart for a brat like yourself."

"My a compliment in an insult, how touching."

"Well that's my ideal." Rivaille announced as if he had accomplished something.

"Alright we'll consider that." Eren sulked where he sat, "even though it's unfair." He muttered to himself.

"Well I'm still waiting, or have you already lost, because that would really be insulting." Rivaille mocked raising an eyebrow.

"okay okay…. You're fast."

"Meaning?"

"You're quick at whatever you do. You're speed is lightning fast. Especially when you're fighting."

"Oh gee thanks…" Rivaille went back to his casual tone. "You're kind."

Eren jerked at this compliment and turned around to look at Rivaille. Rivaille just gave him a blank look.

"Sir?" Eren looked confused and thought to himself if he was really speaking to his captain. He was really shocked by the words coming out of Rivaille.

"What?" Rivaille raised an eyebrow.

"You have a strong heart, sir." Eren continued and looked down and laughed a slight embarrassed. "I just wasn't expecting that from you sir."

"Why so? Didn't you just say that I have a strong heart?"

"You're right…haha…It's just …well how do I say this - you're not quite expressive."

"Oh? I see… well anyway guess it's my turn. You're laudable."

Eren got up as he chuckled. He went and sat where Rivaille was lying.

"You're lovable." Eren breathed as he leaned down and kissed Rivaille. This came out a shock for Rivaille but the moment passed and slowly his eyelids closed and he returned the kiss. The kiss lasted for a minute, Eren was the first to pull away. Eren was red with embarrassment, he could feel his heart beating hard against his chest. He got up flustered and turned away.

"Uh…I…umm…I'm sorry. I must be hyped. Hehe…uh goodnight." He was hesitating a lot, he immediately rushed away, leaving Rivaille dazed. Rivaille got up, then put his face into the palms of his hand. He wasn't one to be easily stirred but now his heart was racing like crazy.

"What…what is wrong with that kid? Rather what the fuck is wrong with me?" Rivaille mumbled to himself.  
He lay back down and gazed at the stars, not really noticing them instead he replayed the scene over and over in his mind. The warmth of Eren's breath, the feel of his soft lips entrancing him, the smell of Eren's sweaty scent was still lingering and to Rivaille it was pleasing. He unknowingly had fallen for Eren.

Meanwhile in Eren's room down in the basement, Eren was disconcerted and mortified at what had just happened. He wondered on how he would ever face Rivaille. He was dissatisfied and wondered what was the cause of it. He thought it might have been the drink he had but that was pushed away as he didn't feel a bit drowsy at that moment and he felt perfectly fine now. Well not fine but not drunk either. 'I must be missing my friends or maybe sleep deprivation. Yeah that must be it, I'm just suffering from slight side effects. It will all be over tomorrow.' Eren muttered to no one in particular. But still having assured himself of the cause he still did not get a wince of sleep thinking of the circumstances to come.

The next morning Eren was afraid to step out of his room but he knew he couldn't last there forever especially since he started to get hungry. He would have to eventually meet him. He went towards the window as he watched Rivaille jog. Rivaille was casual like nothing had ever happened as if it were an everyday life. Eren relaxed and felt assured that nothing had happened and it was all a horrible nightmare. Rivaille then stopped and turned around to look at Eren. Eren immediately ducked and moved away turning red as he did so.

"Oh?" Rivaille murmured, "so he's self-aware." He then continued to jog.

Eren came back to his position and watched as Rivaille moved out of sight.  
'What's wrong? Maybe it wasn't a dream after all.' Eren thought to himself.

Everyone was coming back from the trip that day. The whole while Eren managed to avoid Rivaille and if they ever did meet Rivaille showed no expression of anything ever happening. Eren was bothered by this, but said nothing as it would mean they had to bring it up. Bringing it up was one thing Eren did not want to do which would only make it more embarrassing than it already is.

By afternoon everyone had come back and the once quiet room was now bubbling with noise and excitement. Eren went to greet everyone and without doubt Rivaille was there.

"Eren!" Armin walked towards Eren and hugged him."You should have come. It was stunning!"

"There was a lot of meat too!" Sasha added.

"Yeah and most of them were eaten by you." Connie told Sasha and he laughed which got him into a fight with Sasha.

"Well anyway how was your time with the corporal?" Armin asked (not trying to be cocky or anything but in a concerning way).

"Well, it…was…it was all fine." Eren replied.

"Eren… are you not feeling well? You're turning red." Armin asked with concern.

"Eren!" Mikasa came in overhearing their conversation, she looked furious and had a murderous expression, "Why? What's wrong Eren? Did he force you to work again? Why that creep I'll kill him!"

"No! Mikasa it isn't that." Eren screamed rendering everyone to stare at him.

"Well…uh", feeling awkward smiled, "I think I'll go out for a little fresh air." Eren left while everyone's eyes followed him and after he left through the door the room started an uproar again. Eren walked towards the tree from yesterday and leaned on it. He closed his eyes.

"What are you planning Eren?" A deep familiar voice startled him.

"Sir! Huh?" Eren looked puzzled and utterly hopeless as he stared blankly at Rivaille. He remembered the event that took place that night and felt rather ashamed.

"What's going through your mind?" Rivaille rephrased his question.

"I don't understand sir."

"How exactly do you feel about me?" Rivaille asked with a stern voice, while Eren stared vapidly at him trying so hard to get out words.


	2. Self Centered

**_Chapter 2 – Self centered_**

"How do you feel about me?" Rivaille asked again.

"…I.. huh?" Eren looked confused, as usual, " If it's about yesterday sir. I'm really sorry, I really am. I um… I just –."

But Rivaille was already walking away. He was fairly disappointed and felt like an ass for feeling the way he was. He never thought something this retarded would upset him. Unconsciously he got ready and headed out.

"Sir!" Connie called out, "Where are you going?"

"Out." Replied Rivaille in a nonchalant tone .

"Should I accompany you, sir? Is it for and important mission?"

"Shut up Connie. Go and flirt around with your girlfriend." Rivaille walked away and headed for the stables. Connie felt perplexed and didn't know whether to take it seriously or as a joke.

"What a pain." Rivaille mumbled to himself. He took his horse out and saddled up. He was annoyed; not by the fact that Eren didn't really answer his question but rather that he was bothered by it. If Eren was just going through a 'phase' it would surely piss Rivaille off. A boy of age 15 didn't really understand love with all his destiny and all but surely it pissed Rivaille.

Rivaille stopped after reaching the point close to the forest hill. He didn't know what to think, was Eren playing around? Did he know that he could make Rivaille so miserable and pathetic? Or was it really just a mistake? Damn. But it sounded so non – Eren like. Eren's personality was so annoying that Rivaille felt so stupid that he fell for that kid of all people.

Rivaille sat down and tried to think of all the reasons to not like that idiot. 1) He has the most annoying personality, 2) he has the most idiotic laugh, 3)he thinks the world of himself, 3) he believes that he is the one to kill all the titans and 4) he just _is _a pathetic boy. But of all these things Rivaille still liked him. 'Why that brat? Why him?' He would think to himself. It would be better if he fell for Hanji instead, but what can that man do?

Rivaille rode back, he felt a bit relaxed and planned to eat then do some cleaning in his room. When he reached he went for the stables to keep his horse back. He heard a noise and immediately stood on guard. 'Help…' he could hear but no one was in sight. He thought he was imaging it at first but it came again.

"Help… *cough* Please help." Rivaille knew that voice, it only brought irritation to him. He looked back into the stables and saw him there. Connie was sitting at the corner.

"What are you doing? Get up from there." Rivaille said disdainfully.

"I can't. I'm stuck." Connie replied, almost a groan.

Rivaille raised an eyebrow, " I see… how so?" he went in to check what the problem was. Connie's maneuver belt was tangled on a rod that was protruding out at the base of the stable.

"How in the worl-.." Rivaille went in to help him. With a tight struggle he got the belt free. "What were you doing?"

"I'm really sorry sir… I thought I might come after you but in the end I fell and I got stuck, and my horse got away so…." Rivaille was least bothered and hardly heard a word of what Connie was saying. He looked over at the rod and was wondering how it even got there.

"How long were you stuck? This rod could be dangerous. Yes very fatal." Rivaille mumbled to himself.

"Eren went to look for my horse." Connie finished his sentence.

"Wait what?" Rivaille looked up, a flash of realization crossed his face.

"Sir, Eren went to look for my horse." Connie replied dubiously.

Rivaille winced and looked at his horse then back to Connie. "Which way?" He asked him.

"uh – there towards the back of the well." Connie pointed out. Rivaille was already on the horse and ready to leave. "Should I come with you sir?"

"No. Tell the others we'll be running late." Then Rivaille rode off into the sunset (for real).

Rivaille was cursing under his breath as he rode. " Why the fuck did that brat go off! He fucking knows that there are people after him! Idiot! Idiot! Fuck this!" He was so aggravated and annoyed.

He rode across the fields, he found it hard to believe that the idiot would wander into the forest but checked anyway. He rode now feeling the land grow steeper; he was on a hill. He rode deeper and deeper into the darkness.

A sound, a whimper in the distance was heard. Rivaille rushed ahead, almost stumbled while bringing the horse to a halt. There in front of him was Eren crouching down with two horses at his side. He looked up and you could see the anxiety wash away.

"Heichou!" He said in a strained voice. Rivaille got off of his horse and looked down at the ugly mess. Blood was flowing from his right leg; he was trapped and wounded around the straps of the horses. What had happened, Rivaille was tempted to ask.

"Are you able to stand?" A stupid question really.

"Uh..no sir."

With one swift move Rivaille was able to lift Eren up.

"Si – sir! Wait!"

"What is it this time? Does it hurt?"

"No just you don't have to carry me."

"And then what? Leave you here to rot? Or were you planning on transforming here where it'll be easier to spot you?"

"Sir! No, I wouldn't!"

"Then just shut up!"

Rivaille lifted Eren and strapped him on to the horse. He then attached the other two horses along with his. He jumped on to the horse that Eren was on and galloped on their way.

It was late, dark and a long ride back. How nostalgic. Eren was held between Rivaille's arms. No sound came out of both of them they just stayed quiet and let the night light guide them. Eren's heart was racing along with the horses, he was so close to his captain and his carefree manner disappeared a long way back. He could feel the warm breath against his cold neck. He felt Rivaille's chest rubbing with his back each time the horse's front limbs dashed against the ground. By the time they reached Eren was completely flushed and felt like his heart was going to explode from his chest. He was lifted off again. This time everyone came rushing to their side as Rivaille placed him down on one of the seats.

Mikasa ran to sit by Eren's side and Armin brought the first aid kit. Everyone sat beside Eren in confusion and questioned him except for Rivaille who was now walking up to his room. Eren watched as he climbed up. He hadn't apologized nor thanked him yet.

Connie stood in front of Eren now and was continuously apologizing. Eren just smiled back at him and said it was alright, while Mikasa shouted at him (Connie). The wound had already healed by now.

That night was tormenting for Eren. One thing is he can't sleep well in that dark, dingy room and now he was worrying about his feelings. Two sleepless nights is bad for health especially when one lives in between walls waiting for an attack. Eren felt suffocated and the silence was deafening, nothing but the sound of the clock ticking. All he could think of was Rivaille.

The next morning Eren was already at the field practicing his gear movement when Rivaille got out for his usual jog. Rivaille started jogging doing his best to ignore Eren and his foolish antics, and Eren did the same but failed miserably (Guess the awkwardness hasn't released a bit yet). Eren concentrated on his practice but was constantly distracted by his captain's insistent appearance from around the corner.

The next time Rivaille appeared Eren was not to be seen. Rivaille soon realized that Eren was jogging behind him. After about five more laps they decided to stop. Just as Rivaille was about to say something Mikasa called out from behind…

"Eren! There you are! I was worried about you…." She spoke as she eyed Rivaille. A very unpleasant look flashed on both their faces which only left Eren in confusion. "Heichou. I wasn't expecting you here"

"hmm…" Rivaille replied and walked away.

Eren and Mikasa just stared as he disappeared. "Eren, are you better already? You look sick I think you should take some rest." Mikasa asked almost immediately like water spilling from her lips, but also noticing the dark circles below his eyes.

"No I'm fine." Eren replied. But was replied with only a stare. "Seriously, you don't have to worry about me all the time. I'm the immortal one here." ,which was followed with a sigh.

Mikasa stood in melancholy as Eren walked away. Mikasa knew Eren was having a bad day and the only reason she suspected was Rivaille. In all odds she was right. She knew where she could find him; and true enough he was there.

"What did you to Eren?!" Mikasa asked. Rivaille looked up from washing his face, followed with his usual stare only this time he was pissed.

"What do you mean?" he replied in his nonchalant tone, walking toward his horse. He knew not to get into a fight about ranks now.

"He's not his usual self. I suspect you for it."

"Why me?"

"You were the only one with him when we left."

"Maybe you should go and ask him for the details instead of annoying me with your concern for your boyfriend."

"….. he's not my boyfriend."

Rivaille got on his horse and galloped away, ignoring Mikasa's comment. Mikasa had nowhere else to go but to Eren and ask him again.

"What happened Eren while we were away?" She asked expecting an answer.

"What? Nothing." Eren replied blushing.

"Don't lie to me! I know when you lie. Just tell me." Mikasa seemed frustrated and angry. (Which mostly happens when anything has to do with Eren.)

"Its… its nothing." Eren said walking away.

"Don't give me crap! Look me in the eye and honestly say nothing happened."

Eren stopped and looked into Mikasa's eyes "I…", Eren was flustered and looked away.

"You what Eren?"

Eren looked up at her again and then to the sides to check if anyone was around.

"I kissed him." Eren said quickly and quietly and immediately looked away as he turned red.

"You what?!" Mikasa was in complete shock.

**_Sorry that it took this long to finish this chapter. its just I'm so lazy! Hope you like it. :)_**


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